Betty Virleen Haggerty July 27, 1925 to May 4, 2006

          
                                                       

                                       

 

 

Betty was brought home from the hospital in early April after being given three days to live.

We cleaned every corner,  watered the plants, fluffed the quilts, washed the linens and adorned the bedside with hydrangea, magnolia & lily in an earnest attempt to set right the basic domestic issues for the coming Event. 

We tended to every necessary discomfort- gave the injections, changed soiled sheets, massaged the aching limbs, cooled the fevered brow, & plumped the pillows in endless arrangements, all day- all night, never to her comfort or liking as her pain was insurmountable and required an implacable vigilance at all times. 

As the cancer took it's course, her focus went awry,  her syntax grew muddied and thoughts floated up and away.  Hallucinations were horrifiying but often achingly beautiful such as when she appeared to be running her fingers along silken threads that had bound her hands and knees.  She was visited by white coyotes.  She felt threatened by the sight of green jello.

As her condition grew gravid with the promise of an end, we hoped it would be swift and merciful but it was not.  During the 23 days she survived under our care,  we witnessed  a mental anguish of which common words are simply too pale to explain.  The hospice professionals that visited us confirmed that they had never seen such a difficult death; in that her unbelievable tolerance to the pain and anxiety medicine combined with unresolved life issues created superhuman levels of strength,  anger  and agony through which she would occasionally surface and we would briefly see the face of the woman we knew.   

Betty Virleen finally passed away on May 4th in her home, according to her wishes with my mother and i, her beloved dog and dear friend Rosemary at her side.  

In bearing witness to the death of my grandmother, this is what loomed obvious-

Don't let the sun set on unresolved anger.

Keep the voices of jealousy, regret and hate from yattering in your head.  

Live well, take risks, laugh often. 

 Mostly, let those you love know it. Fiercely.