if this is some kind of akward moment where i find my back up against the wall and i realiize i am doing the exact opposite of what it is i believe in and have been craftily slipped in amongst the throbbing disillusioned masses and have lost sight of that out of body- flight response where things not of this world would once flow from my hands like the elegant downward ripple of a heavy with dust theatre curtain but now i find myself standing stock still- poised and waiting for some axe of happiness to drop upon my naked neck, letting me out, bringing it all back to me.