we are all importantly twirling about....busy being martyrs of some kind or another 

so i slipped off my sheath of social retardation and went to a party with a magician friend. once there we were mortified by a cheese pastry with cherries masquerading as bloody body parts. this inspired a conversation with a jovial paramedic who when presseed for details of his most horrific memory, told me of a man who had been down at the los angeles train yard and had a train remove all the skin from his hands and arms like long dinner gloves being peeled off. then i saw an old biker neighbor who pulled up his pants and showed me ravine like gashes from a semi running over his legs on the way home from his fathers funeral. soon the room filled with a 1000 people who all were laughing uproariously at nothing at all and flirting with one another in a sickening fashion and i became uttery bored and removed some clothing and slipped into a moon lit swimming pool. there, i straddled a large rubber ducky and managed to ride it down the pool slide without injury, thereby evading the concussion i had secretly yearned for. eventually a charming short man with very long hair lured me from the pool with a dry towel and vodka drink and we sat in a fashionably decored living room and discussed his illustrious career as an animal trainer until i became distracted by the contents of an aquarium behind his animated head. inside was a huge fish with a bubble-like tumor encasing one eye, moving in lugubrious spirals within the confines of his life and i suddenly needed to be home so i slunk outside and sat on the dark lawn facing away from the warm laughter spilling out of the house and i waited for my friend the magician to make me disappear.  

so i went and moved again. this is the old view from my writing desk that could not fill those aching spaces on sundays. (soon i'll show you the new view when i flutter from this place soon enough) it all comes down to what is learned. step quick- you are a part of a war. get advice from the oldest. keep to yourself to avoid all the hissing. does not matter how clever you assume to be. stay in your room for everything, person, star- the fleeting glance of two swollen drunks at a bar- all these things can outwit you. reduce you...........................  

if this is some kind of akward moment where i find my back up against the wall and i realiize i am doing the exact opposite of what it is i believe in and have been craftily slipped in amongst the throbbing disillusioned masses and have lost sight of that out of body- flight response where things not of this world would once flow from my hands like the elegant downward ripple of a heavy with dust theatre curtain but now i find myself standing stock still- poised and waiting for some axe of happiness to drop upon my naked neck, letting me out, bringing it all back to me.